Never Grow Up
by ttfan111robstar1
Summary: Inspired by the Taylor Swift song of the same name. Seto contemplates Mokuba growing up on the eve of his birthday.


Eleven Fifty Eight. Two minutes to go.

Seto Kaiba watched the clock with anxiety. Tomorrow was July seventh, better known to him as the birthday of the most important person in his life. His little brother Mokuba would be turning twelve in two short moments, and Kaiba sighed.

Seto Kaiba was not an emotional person. In fact, by most he was considered the furthest thing from. His cold and ruthless demeanor was no front, it was him being himself- at least the self that Gozaburo's abuse and training had created. But the part of him that had not changed through all of that was his deep love for his little brother. When something came up with Mokuba, Kaiba tended to get emotional. Perhaps not from an outsiders perspective, but he knew it and Mokuba knew it and that was everything who had to know a thing about it. And today, Seto Kaiba was emotional. But it wasn't because his brother was in danger, or because they had cheated death together, or something of the like. No. This was something entirely new.

The thought of Mokuba turning twelve had made his chest clinch and his heart ache. When this had first occurred some two weeks ago when Mokuba mentioned his birthday, he had not understood why that had happened, as it never had before. But as it came more often in the following days, he understood what it was. A combination of nostalgia and a fear of him growing up. It wasn't that he didn't want his brother to grow up exactly. He knew logically that it could not be helped. But he didn't want his little brother to lose the innocence and childhood he had fought so hard to preserve. He knew much of it had been decimated already because of his multiple kidnappings, having his soul stolen from Pegasus, and everything that had happened in their childhood with the orphanage and Gozaburo as was so graciously reminded to both of them by Noah in the virtual world. He felt it his job to try and shield that innocence for as long as he could. He had taken those beatings by Gozaburo so Mokuba would not have to, had tried to save his childhood and innocence by getting his own stolen. The fact that his brother was getting every day closer to leaving that behind… It terrified him.

A bit of nostalgia went through him as he remembered the first time he had seen Mokuba. His father had held the bundle of blankets out to him, and he had held his baby brother for the first time. Slate gray eyes had stared up at him, pierced his soul, and a wild shock of black hair tickled his hand just enough to make him want to squirm. But when he looked into those eyes, the most fierce kind of protectiveness welled up inside of him, and he knew right then and there that he would do anything for this kid.

"Hi Mokie." He had said. "I'm Seto, your big brother. Welcome to the world." He said, and reached out to his brother. Mokuba surprised him by wrapping a grape sized fist around his brother's finger. In that moment, the world stood still for Seto. The entire world seemed to grow quiet. The bustling of doctors in the halls, the beeping of machinery, the voices of people talking, all seemed to fade way. It was him and his tiny new brother. Forever. So many thoughts had run through his mind in that moment, glimpses of what could be. The two of them playing pirates, him walking his brother to school, blowing out birthday candles, smiles. He had glimpsed an entire future in one instant.

Seto sighed now as he realized bitterly that the future he had seen was never to be. He hadn't known it at the time, nor would he for another five years, when his father died and it was his job to take on that role for his brother. From that point on, there were no glimpses of the future, because nothing could be seen through the murky water of the present. Shoved between relatives until they were eventually dumped at the orphanage, and there the best future they could focus on was what tomorrow would bring. It stayed that way until Gozaburo came to visit, and that visit changed everything. For a time shortly before that he had focused on the future, of not having to worry about finding a family anymore. But the future became unforeseeable again as Seto was put through the wringer with his studies, working for hours with no rest, separated from his little brother. The only glimpse he got was from the Blue Eyes card that Mokuba made him on the day he had most wanted to give up. The future did not come again to him until Gozaburo presented him with his birthday gift of ten million dollars and he saw that he could overthrow him. And once he did, the future became wide open for both of them.

Only now did he realize that that was both an encouragement and an indictment. The future had opened and allowed for them to become anything, and that included Mokuba losing his childhood. Oh he wished that he had added a stipulation for the future, to keep his baby brother innocent forever. But he knew that the future did not listen to anyone in that regard. He tried to compartmentalize his feelings, move on from all of those emotions, but it was not easy. Nothing seemed to make the emotions abate.

He reflected on the times when Mokuba had come to him in recent times. When he crawled into his bed after a good night's sleep, when he ran to him after a nightmare, giving Mokuba a hug after a bad day, comforting him while he cried. Seto wondered, rather morbidly, when the last time that would happen might be. They weren't happening as much already. He certainly had an aversion to physical contact, but not from his brother. Never from his brother. The more he thought about those times, the more the ache inside of him grew, alongside a feeling of need. He needed his brother here.

Restless, he got up and went to his brother's room. The long hallways, mahogany floors, and creaking doors had once seemed so ominous to him, during the days when Gozaburo's reign of terror had encroached on the house. It didn't bother him anymore. Gozaburo's shadow had been eradicated from this place once and for all, and all that remained were memories. He opened the door to Mokuba's room and peeked inside. The boy was sleeping soundly, black hair spread over his pillow, his expression peaceful. Seto felt almost guilty for disturbing that peace, but he knew that Mokuba would not mind. He cocooned his brother in blankets, before he lifted him up into his arms. Mokuba stirred.

"Seto? What's wrong?" It was a hoarse whisper. Seto began stroking his little brother's hair.

"Shhh. Go back to sleep, Mokie." He hushed him. Mokuba blinked at the old nickname, unsure if this was a dream. Seto did not hesitate to pick him up and carry him to his own bedroom. He laid him down on his bed, and then got in his bed himself, wrapping himself around his little brother and giving him a hug. "Happy birthday little brother." He whispered. Mokuba snuggled into him.

"I love you Seto."

"I love you too, Mokie." Seto whispered.

_Don't you ever grow up._


End file.
